Changing Lanes (2002) Movie Review

Changing Lanes (2002) Rated "R" with Ben Affleck and Samuel L. Jackson

 All is well in New York City.  Gaven Banek is working for his father-in-law in what has turned out to be a multi-billion dollar charity that is on the brink of fraud.  Doyle Gipson is an alcoholic father of two, and on the verge of a messy divorce and separation from his kids.  A hectic highway lane change is cause for a somewhat minor collision.  Doyle wants to do things "the right way" by getting/giving insurance information, but Gaven is in too much of a hurry and writes Doyle a blank check for his situation, leaving him stranded on the highway.  Gaven arrives a few minutes late at court only to realize that he left his most important file with Doyle whom he had just abandoned.  Doyle makes sure it won't be easy for Gaven to recover the file quickly.  A long succession of sabotage between the two takes place that threatens to completely destroy the entire livelihood of both men.

The main relationship described in this film is the relationship between Gaven Banek and Doyle Gipson.  They were not even supposed to meet each other until they were involved in an accident on the highway.  The relationship starts out as friendly, quickly turns hostile, and towards the end gradually becomes friendly again. 

A second relationship is the relationship between Gaven Banek and his wife, and father-in-law who happens to be his boss.  While Gaven is a lawyer and married into this firm, he was aware of the possibilities of fraud.  His conscience begins talking to him halfway through the movie, but his wife and boss urge him not to listen to it.  Their relationship is very shaky at best towards the end of the movie.  A final main relationship is the relationship between Doyle Gipson and his wife and kids.  Gipson, an alcoholic, is constantly aware that his actions are hurting his relationship with his family, but he cannot seem to stop.  In a last ditch effort to save his marriage and the kids from having to move across the country, he tries to buy a house and make nice to his wife.  Gipson's genuine care is mistaken for alcoholic rage however, because Gaven is busy trying to destroy his life.  In the end, Gipson repairs his relationship with his family and all is well again.

The relationships in this film typically move in opposite directions compared to others.  When Gaven and Doyle's relationship comes apart, so do their relationships with their respective families and coworkers.  When they eventually come back together to be friends again, Gaven's relationship with his wife and boss sours as he becomes more of a moral person.  For the main part of the film, Doyle's relationship with his family is in the coming apart stage, and then it appears as though it starts over at the coming together stage to become a better family with time.  It was easy to see the different stages listed in the diagram here, with the relationships in the film.

It was also evident that most of the communication patterns were directly related to how the relationships were formed and maintained.  As communication effectiveness decreased, so did their relationship.  Miscommunications and misinterpretations often sour relationships at a fast rate as evident in the film.  Therefore, with improved communication between everyone involved in the movie, the relationships would have been improved much more than how they ended up.

Meta-communication is very helpful in repairing relationships and seeing "where they are" and "where they are going."  Doyle and Gaven finally, towards the end of the film, start talking about their communication and the actions that they have been doing to each other (mostly negative).  This was the turning point in their relationship and their moral turn-arounds.

I can relate most to Doyle Gipson in the film and the way he handled every situation that came his way.  The reason I say that is because I tend to always want to do things the right way, but I can become frustrated with things that have nothing to do with what I'm trying to do, become easily distracted, depressed, and angry at myself and other people for no reason at all.  It usually takes a figurative "slap in the face" to get myself to pull it together, buckle down, and realize that I need to do better in handling a certain situation.

Looking Out and Looking In Chapter 11

Chapter 11's title is Managing Interpersonal Conflicts.  Many people are often sucked into the idea that all conflict is negative and no good can come out of a conflicting situation.  While the term conflict is typically used in a negative tone, conflict actually can be used as a springboard to help solve potential future confrontations without even seeing their effects.  The book lists a few different ways that a communicator in a situation can respond to a conflict: avoiding, accommodating, competing, compromising, or collaborating.  It states that most of these different methods of responding have a necessary time, and not one method will always be the most beneficial, although some may be more helpful than others in many situations. 

From the textbook: "The way a conflict is handled is not always the choice of a single person, because the parties influence each other as they develop a relational conflict style.  This style may be complementary, symmetrical, or parallel; it can involve a combination of intimate and aggressive elements; and it can involve constructive or destructive rituals."

I heard someone speak about managing conflict in a work place or with customers and it was interesting to hear what they talked about for the most part.  They stressed heavily that not all conflict was negative or a bad thing, and many times, conflict can turn out to be a good thing.  One of the things she said that caught my attention was that if there is no conflict, then there are essentially no new ideas.  However, when there IS conflict, it can show that different people are approaching a certain situation differently.  This difference of approach can benefit a company or organization as it tries to represent and appeal to multiple points of view.  If the company never has any opposition to some of the normal operating procedures and the "way we've always done it", it can create a situation where they are stuck in their ways and have no new fresh input from a fresh perspective.  For example, an older manager in a position could benefit from a "conflict" with a younger manager, whose style might more reflect the interests of the market that the organization is trying to serve.  I really enjoyed this chapter in seeing how resolving conflict in a positive manner, with a win-win scenario for all parties can greatly assist in creating a better atmosphere for all who are involved.

Looking Out and Looking In Chapters 9+10

Chapter 9's title is Intimacy and Distance in Relational Communication.  The book lists four different dimensions of intimacy in interpersonal relationships: physical, intellectual, emotional, and shared activities.  Even though you might have a relationship with someone, that does not necessarily mean that it is an intimate relationship.  One could argue that if every relationship you had was intimate, none of your relationships would be intimate, leading to the supposed opinion that a select few in your realm of relationships can attain this level of relationship, and that you must choose who specifically to place into your "intimate" bubble.

Self-Disclosure is one of largest components of an interpersonal relationship, and something that can judge between whether your relationship is intimate at all, or to what degree is is intimate.  The book definition of self-disclosure is: honest, revealing messages about the self that are intentionally directed toward others.  It involves 'opening up' to the other person in a way where you might feel vulnerable at times.  The closeness of the relationship is determined by how much you can trust this person with information about yourself that not everyone may know.

Chapter 10's title is Improving Communication Climates.  This was one of the most interesting chapters in the book thus far in my opinion.  It deals with how we respond to criticism and confrontation that is about us, or someone else.  One of the things I've found about myself and my personality is that I tend to get defensive when confronted.  Obviously it is because I feel like the other person is looking at the situation in the wrong way, or I feel like I have a good excuse or a good reason for doing what I did or acting the way I did.  However, I've learned that if there is a situation when someone confronts me, the best way to go about handling it is by responding in a non-defensive way.  I need to intentionally tell myself to not defend what I did, but instead listen closely to what the other person is saying and why they are saying it. 

 If this important step is done, it is easy to resolve conflict or a miscommunication because it gives me the 'high-road' approach and even if I don't personally agree with what the person is saying about me, I can begin to fix the situation or at least compromise to make it better.

Looking Out and Looking In Chapters 7+8

The title of chapter 7 is Listening: More Than Meets The Ear.  This chapter emphasizes the importance of listening rather than speaking all the time.  The communication process involves both listening and speaking, but it is made clear in this chapter that listening is usually better than speaking.  It also describes the difference between good and poor listening habits, and how to improve our listening skills.  One of the most important topics that this chapter describes however, is the difference between listening and hearing.  Sometimes we tend to use the two terms interchangeably, when in reality they are very different.

My dad used to use the phrase "In one ear and out the other" do describe how I heard things that he said.  In reality, I heard what he was saying, that is my ears picked up the specific sounds that my dad was trying to get me to understand, but my mind was elsewhere.  I wasn't thinking carefully about what he was talking about, and as it turns out I didn't remember a single thing he said.  This kind of thing happened a lot to me when I was younger and it helped me to recognize and affirm this concept when I read about it in the chapter.

The title of chapter 8 is Communication and Relational Dynamics.  One of the main things this chapter talks about is the things that people look for in another person when they are trying to form relationships.  Some of the things that they list in the chapter are: Appearance, Similarity, Complementarity, Reciprocal Attraction, Competence, Disclosure, Proximity, and Rewards.

Appearance is definitely one of the main things that people look for when they want to form a relationship with someone because it is typically the first thing that you notice about someone, and attracts you to them.  From there, similarities in hobbies, likes and dislikes etc can lead to events and activities that you can spend time with that person.  Personally these two things are the things that I look for most in someone.  If we have things in common, she has a good physical appearance, and we get along well, it can be a sign of a very close relationship building.

Looking Out and Looking In Chapters 5+6

Chapter 5 is about barriers and bridges.  In terms of language and communication, barriers refer to the things that can interfere or block ideas or feelings that one person is trying to convey to another, while bridges refer to things that can actually help convey a message or idea.  One thing that the book mentions is about how gender defines how we interpret what a person is trying to say to us. 

A man might try to tell someone that he is hungry in a different way than a woman might try to get the same point across.  Similarly, a message that sounds identical when a man and a woman say it, could mean two entirely different things!  Its interesting how it works, but it is in fact true!  One of the specific examples that the book mentions is how females sometimes add a higher pitch ending to sentences when they talk.  This sometimes sounds like a question to a man, which can cause him to think that she is wondering if she can even talk in that situation.  It adds an almost reserved sense to the sentence.  This is one barrier that is described by the book.

Chapter 6 is about nonverbal Communication: Messages beyond Words.  More than half of the ideas that are communicated by humans are communicated without the help of verbal assistance.  Body movement, facial expression etc can greatly affect how messages are received, intentionally and unintentionally.  One of the examples the book gives is from the TV show called Lie to Me, the main character uncovers clues about mysteries and eye-witness accounts by noticing nonverbal cues. 

A person's eyes play a large role in what is being transmitted from one person to another, and again this can be intentional or unintentional.  There are whole sciences behind the idea that most of what is communicated is done non-verbally!  I thought this was an interesting chapter because I'm somewhat interested in this kind of material.

Looking Out and Looking In Chapters 3+4

Chapter 3's title is Perception: What You See is What You Get.  The basic ideas of this chapter are simple, yet complex at the same time.  The concept that came to my mind was how we should not judge other people regarding a situation that they are going through.

When we think about someone's situation we typically compare their experience with our own experiences and decide how we would go about making a decision.  The problem with that is that we all have had entirely unique situations and experiences.  It is for that reason that we will rarely come to the same conclusion about how something should be handled, so how can we judge someone based entirely on irrelevant experiences (our own)?  If that all is too complicated to understand, let me include an example that helps describe the basic principle of perception.

The great story is told of 6 men who all stood around a large animal.  These men were asked to describe the animal in a few words.  The problem here is that these men were actually blind.  As it would turn out, each man found himself standing at a different part of the animal's massive body.  One reached out and felt his large tusks with his hands, one grabbed his tail and still another took hold of his large feet.  As you can guess, each man described the animal in a different light.  The reason? Perception based on experiences.  Each man had experienced different things in his life, and compared what he felt on the animal, with something that he had already seen or heard about.  This is why we need to be careful about how we judge others' reactions to ideas and feelings.

Chapter 4's title is Emotions: Feeling, Thinking, and Communicating.  The majority of this chapter dealt with our emotions and the communication of these emotions, or lack thereof.  Some people choose to show their emotions non-verbally, some verbally, and sometimes they choose to hide their emotions for whatever reason.  Overall I enjoyed these chapters because they put these concepts into a new light for me to understand and think about.