Looking Out and Looking In Chapters 7+8

The title of chapter 7 is Listening: More Than Meets The Ear.  This chapter emphasizes the importance of listening rather than speaking all the time.  The communication process involves both listening and speaking, but it is made clear in this chapter that listening is usually better than speaking.  It also describes the difference between good and poor listening habits, and how to improve our listening skills.  One of the most important topics that this chapter describes however, is the difference between listening and hearing.  Sometimes we tend to use the two terms interchangeably, when in reality they are very different.

My dad used to use the phrase "In one ear and out the other" do describe how I heard things that he said.  In reality, I heard what he was saying, that is my ears picked up the specific sounds that my dad was trying to get me to understand, but my mind was elsewhere.  I wasn't thinking carefully about what he was talking about, and as it turns out I didn't remember a single thing he said.  This kind of thing happened a lot to me when I was younger and it helped me to recognize and affirm this concept when I read about it in the chapter.

The title of chapter 8 is Communication and Relational Dynamics.  One of the main things this chapter talks about is the things that people look for in another person when they are trying to form relationships.  Some of the things that they list in the chapter are: Appearance, Similarity, Complementarity, Reciprocal Attraction, Competence, Disclosure, Proximity, and Rewards.

Appearance is definitely one of the main things that people look for when they want to form a relationship with someone because it is typically the first thing that you notice about someone, and attracts you to them.  From there, similarities in hobbies, likes and dislikes etc can lead to events and activities that you can spend time with that person.  Personally these two things are the things that I look for most in someone.  If we have things in common, she has a good physical appearance, and we get along well, it can be a sign of a very close relationship building.

Looking Out and Looking In Chapters 5+6

Chapter 5 is about barriers and bridges.  In terms of language and communication, barriers refer to the things that can interfere or block ideas or feelings that one person is trying to convey to another, while bridges refer to things that can actually help convey a message or idea.  One thing that the book mentions is about how gender defines how we interpret what a person is trying to say to us. 

A man might try to tell someone that he is hungry in a different way than a woman might try to get the same point across.  Similarly, a message that sounds identical when a man and a woman say it, could mean two entirely different things!  Its interesting how it works, but it is in fact true!  One of the specific examples that the book mentions is how females sometimes add a higher pitch ending to sentences when they talk.  This sometimes sounds like a question to a man, which can cause him to think that she is wondering if she can even talk in that situation.  It adds an almost reserved sense to the sentence.  This is one barrier that is described by the book.

Chapter 6 is about nonverbal Communication: Messages beyond Words.  More than half of the ideas that are communicated by humans are communicated without the help of verbal assistance.  Body movement, facial expression etc can greatly affect how messages are received, intentionally and unintentionally.  One of the examples the book gives is from the TV show called Lie to Me, the main character uncovers clues about mysteries and eye-witness accounts by noticing nonverbal cues. 

A person's eyes play a large role in what is being transmitted from one person to another, and again this can be intentional or unintentional.  There are whole sciences behind the idea that most of what is communicated is done non-verbally!  I thought this was an interesting chapter because I'm somewhat interested in this kind of material.